Flowing right along with this month’s theme of Worthiness, we come to jealousy.
At first blush, it may seem like one has little to do with the other, but I can assure you they are inextricably intertwined.
We would not feel jealousy if we were sure of our own Worthiness. We would not begrudge others their achievements or the lives they’ve created for themselves if we felt we were enough.
Jealousy is a Shadow emotion. It stems from feeling we are lacking somehow. We do not believe we are worthy of having the thing we covet, because if we were, we’d have it already.
We would already have our “perfect” partner. Or our “perfect” body. That “perfect” job. The killer bank account balance. We’d have that dream house with that ahhhhmazing kitchen.
Instead of looking at what others have created for themselves and feeling inspired, our toxic ego tells us we should have the same thing already, while simultaneously our inner critic tells us we don’t deserve it.
Talk about a mind fuck.
We linger in enving what others have to distract from that feeling of lack. We may begin to create a story around the other person that makes them a villain.
They have that nice house because they take advantage of everyone. Or they married for money and not love.
They got that “perfect” body through an eating disorder or plastic surgery (or both!).
They manipulated that “perfect” partner into being with them.
They trampled all over everyone else at work and don’t deserve that “perfect” job.
And you know what? All, some, or none of that could be true.
But what’s true about their lives doesn’t matter. What’s true about their lives is not your business (unless, you know, human rights and ethical abuses, but you know that’s not what we’re talking about here).
Keep your eyes on your own paper. Stay in your own lane. Mind your own business. All the clichés apply here.
Look at yourself. Why can you not look at someone else’s success and be happy for them? Why can’t you be inspired by them?
Why can’t you decide you’re going to create your “perfect” life? What is holding you back?
Your own sense of self worth. That’s what’s holding you back.
Your fear of failure. Your money fears. Those relationship issues.
When you feel that twinge, get curious about it. Why is their life triggering a negative response?
Where is that response rooted? Is it tied to just one experience, or many?
Why do you think you can’t have what they have? Who told you that?
And once you’ve dug in to start finding the roots of these thoughts, how can you flip them?
Let’s do a little pretending shall we?
An acquaintance lost 50 lbs and you need to as well?
Your initial reaction may be something along the lines of “Ugh, I wish I could do that, but it’ll never happen. I like food too much. I’m too lazy. I can’t afford a gym membership! Bet she starved herself anyway.”
How can we turn that around?
Maybe it can look something like “No, fuck that! She must have worked really hard. Good for her! It’s great that she decided to get so dedicated to her health. I know if she can do that, I can too. I wonder if she would mind sharing some tips with me?”
This takes awareness, dedication, and practice. All mindset shifts do. But with time and effort, your initial reaction will be the second, not the first.
You deserve to be happy with yourself. You deserve to be inspired by the heights others have reached, because you can do it too. You deserve to build a life you’re happy with.
You owe it to yourself to do the work to shift.
If you’re ready to do the work, but don’t know where to start, my Reset Your Mindset program is perfect for you! In this program, I introduce you to the fundamental steps of Shadow Work and Mindset shifting – from catching your inner critic in the act to reprogramming your beliefs.
Click here to schedule a time talk!