This was a difficult post to write because insecurity can attack from so many angles. So this will be a series of posts over time.
For the purposes of this post, we are going to focus on the insecurity society fosters, as it fits with the overall theme of January.
Insecurity is something our society forcefully creates within us.
The people we look up to seem to be studies in perfection.
Take for example our gorgeous and talented (and sometimes not so talented) celebrities:
They fearlessly take the stage to perform for thousands of adoring fans night after night.
They walk the red carpet looking stunning for their next movie premiere, heads held high.
Flawless smiles. Flawless bodies. Spectacular hair and incredible outfits. Hilarious banter with the entertainment reporter for the 15 second plug of their current project. Carisma positively oozing from every pore.
But it’s not just them anymore. We have our “influencers” to deal with now too.
Perfectly posed on a beach in Bali. Not a flaw in sight while they “live their best life!” #SoBlessed
“Just a quick snap!” of their artfully arranged all organic vegan meal, taken on a picnic bench at their local sustainable farm. You can all but smell the sunflowers in the background. #SavingThePlanet #EatLocal
And still, it doesn’t end there.
Our frenemy Tiffani from high school. The stay at home mom of 12 who sure as hell doesn’t look like she birthed all those kids. She does yoga every day while homeschooling every single one of her kids in her “quaint and cozy” clutter free 25 room mansion, and still finds time to cook a beautiful meal from scratch every day. Oh, did she tell you?! She’s got a cookbook coming out too!
Now granted there’s a bit of hyperbole here to make a point, but it’s all still pretty hard to live up to right?
Y’all. None of it is real. And none of it is a realistic expectation to set for yourselves.
Those celebrity photos? Professionally styled. A team of make-up artists and hairstylists. A lighting and photography team that’s been at their game for years. And then airbrushed on top of all that. One photo shoot can cost tens of thousands of dollars. That is NOT hyperbole.
Their stage performance? They prepared for MONTHS. Again, professionally styled and a team of make-up artists on tour with them to create that magic of perfection on stage.
That red carpet walk? Is the make-up artist team a dead horse yet? HOURS of preparation. Dresses sewn on over undergarments that hide and smooth every “flaw”. Dental whitening and veneers. A hairstylist that charges hundreds and hundreds of dollars an hour.
Not to mention the daily rigorous workouts with their personal trainers.
And those influencers? Don’t get me started. Their trust fund flew them to Bali. Filters and partners willing to take 5,000 pictures before they get that perfect shot did the rest.
What about our girl Tiffani? She’s got a housekeeper and a nanny. She hires tutors for those subjects she’s not “confident” in (read: her kids all have a tutor that’s doing all the teaching). This frees up her time for all that yoga and tweaking other people’s recipes just enough to claim them as her own.
All of this is held up to us as the standard by which we should judge ourselves. How can we ever measure up?
We will always fall short. Always.
That is by design. These unattainable versions of perfection makes for a multi billion with a B dollar business.
Never forget that.
It keeps us mindlessly consuming. Hoping the next jar of cream, the next insane workout, the next diet craze will make us beautiful and worthy of love.
This insecurity all these impossible ideals creates within us makes us disbelieve in our own inherent worthiness. We stop believing in our own inherent perfection.
We stop believing in ourselves. The hole this lack of belief creates within us demands to be filled. And we do our best to do that the only way we’ve been taught – we consume.
Whether that means we consume products, food, drugs, or relationships doesn’t really matter. All those behaviors and addictions are rooted in the attempt to fill that hole, to remove that sense of lacking.
I saw this on the internet years ago “Stop comparing your B-Reel to someone else’s Highlight Reel.”
What we see on screen, in magazines, on the internet – that’s the highlight reel. And it took teams of people and a lot of money to make it all happen.
Say it with me: IT’S NOT REAL! So start seeing it all for the lies they are, and start creating your own idea of perfection.
What if your idea of perfection was someone who has done the work to love others unconditionally?
Maybe perfection could be someone who has done the work to love their bodies for all the things those bodies have done – not the least of which is to house our souls for a time?
Or a person who gives their time and love to people and causes?
What if those kinds of people became #goals? What could the world look like then?
Now that? That would be a world I would want to live in.
That change starts with you. You have to do the inner work. You have to find that hole and begin to heal it. Not by filling it with anything outside of yourself, but with the love you owe yourself.
If you’re ready to make that change, to do the inner work needed to break the cycle of self loathing so many are trapped in, my Reset Your Mindset program is for you. In this program I give you the tools needed to catch your inner critic in the act, flip the script, and begin to rewrite the stories you tell yourself.
Click here to schedule a time to talk!