To wrap up February, I want to talk about one of the hardest things a person struggling with self love can do: Allow themselves to be loved.
This goes hand in hand with last week’s post. But this isn’t limited to allowing a healthy romantic relationship in your life. This can be a struggle with all types of personal relationships.
When you do not love yourself, you do not value yourself.
When you do not value yourself, you don’t understand why anyone else would either.
You don’t believe your friends could love you if they knew the real you. You believe your family loves you simply because they have to.
You put very little trust into others and you never allow anyone to get to know you on a deep level, because you fear they’ll abandon you. Meanwhile, you do everything you can to make sure they know how important they are to you.
This leads you to set few boundaries, if you set any at all. And you certainly don’t defend those boundaries when they’re crossed.
You, my friend, need to take a chance.
I understand how hard that is, I promise. It’s something I still struggle with sometimes, though I’ve come miles and miles from where I started.
I moved a ton as a child. Staying in one place was not something my mother was good at for some reason, and add in joint custody with my father? I was never in one place for very long.
I was always the new kid, which is terrible for an introverted child. I actually have a lot of trauma around this that I’ve worked really hard on, but it still pops up now and then, even after all these years.
Every new school, kids had all these lifelong friendships. Cliques already set in place, and very little room for a sweet but awkward and shy new girl.
I was jealous of those lifelong friendships. I would never have them and I knew it.
Who knew when we’d be moving again or when I’d be switching schools on a whim? I sure didn’t. That made it hard to get attached to people since I knew it was likely that soon I would never see them again.
How did I start healing and begin trusting then?
I listened to my fear’s concerns about trusting people, and then I took a leap of faith anyway.
There’s proof all around us every day that what we want is possible.
I looked at those friendships and relationships I was jealous of and decided instead of being a source of envy, they would be a source of proof. Proof that what I wanted in friendships and relationships was possible.
Slowly but surely, I found my tribe. As a nearly 42 year old I can say I’ve had a few close friends for a couple decades now.
Because it’s quality, not quantity, that matters.
My people love me for exactly who I am. There is no one in my chosen family that I would not be able to trust with my deepest darkest secrets. They’ve been with me through so much and are still around.
That’s because I allowed myself to believe I could find those people. That I could find that kind of love and support.
I decided to believe that the people that seemed to want to be friends would actually like me for who I was and am.
It’s taken me much longer to find healthy romantic relationships. But I’m there now, and I won’t be turning back.
This all took mindset shifts and inner work to achieve. It took trust in myself and the universe to allow myself to trust others (even though I didn’t know any of those concepts when I started down this path).
I can teach you how to make those mental shifts so you can start drawing in the people you deserve, and create the life you want.
Click here to schedule a time to talk!